Bonnie's Blog

There are a lot of kids, especially the younger ones, who at this time of the year get pretty ramped up as Christmas approaches.  Problem behaviours can escalate, and the kids find it hard to keep things under control.  This can be a problem for parents and classroom teachers, who find themselves struggling to keep the kids focused and behaviours in check.

For kids whose brains are wired somewhat differently, the issues around self-control and maintaining emotional balance are year round concerns.  These kids can have varying diagnoses, including obsessive-compulsive disorder, sensory processing dysfunction, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, Tourette syndrome, autism spectrum disorder, and many others.  They may have  tantrums at the drop of a hat, or extreme reactions stemming from seemingly minor occurrences.   These "behaviours" frequently trip them up and get them in trouble, at school, at home, and in life.  I came across a really good article a few years ago, called "Balancing the Tray", by Lenore Gerould, that helps explain what it's like to be one of these kids, and why they act (and react) the way they do.  This is what she says:

Try to imagine the child balancing a large serving tray on one upturned hand. Every distress for that child is like a liquid-filled glass you are putting on this tray. The ''distress glasses' are unique to each kid, but generally include things like auditory or visual over-stimulation, social interaction, 'surprises' or unexpected changes in the schedule, lack of clear leadership, the number of people in the room - whatever is sensitive for that child. (Don't forget the ability to read the body language and anxiety of the adults around them!) The size and weight of the 'glass' for that child varies, just like the 'distress glasses' vary for each kid. Some things are merely shot glass size, while others can be a two litre jug. At some point the tray is going to start to wobble - the liquid will start spilling out of the glasses on the tray. The cues that this is happening will vary from kid to kid just as the cause and size of a 'glass' varies kid to kid, but generally include regressive behavior, avoidance or shutting down, giggling or minor acting out to get attention.

Hopefully, someone will help the kid rebalance the tray, or remove some glasses. Perhaps taking a break, or allowing time to refocus or process will work; again, techniques are unique to each kid. If there's no intervention, the addition of one more glass will topple the tray to the floor. The cause is not the most recent 'glass' you added, but the fact that the tray was full or too heavy (the latter is why the child seems so unpredictable to some people.) Our efforts should be that the kid learn to hold a bigger tray, or to do minor correction of the tray's balance somewhat independently, but they will always carry that wobbling tray. Ignoring cues can be disastrous, from classroom disruptions to a major regression. When a kids's tray crashes to the floor, it is always a major event. That's why, if I hear my son got highly upset over a moved pencil sharpener and acted out, I do not want to hear that he has to learn to accept change. The sharpener is immaterial if I learn that day he'd dealt with a substitute teacher, a fire drill just as Reading was starting, dead calculator batteries halfway through Math, a 'crashed' computer in the middle of English, a late bus so that he missed part of home room and some florescent lights in the class are half out - his tray was already full.

All of the distresses are unavoidable and he'd dealt with them without a hitch; but each was another glass on this tray. These kids need someone around who is familiar with them; to sense how full the tray is getting and read the cues, so there's intervention before that wobbling tray topples to the floor. That is why the type of support for these kids is critical, not just a 'hot body' nearby - but the 'right hot body' whom they can trust will help balance and who knows the 'triggers'.

For all of us, life is a balancing act, but for some kids the glasses generally break when they hit the floor and it takes a whole lot longer to clean up the mess and get a new tray.

For the past few Thursday mornings, I have been attending a CMHA workshop along with a small group of others interested in mental health issues.  Among these are several teachers, many whose paths I have crossed over the years, mainly at school meetings with parents involved with HOPE, where the problems their children are encountering are discussed - sometimes amicably, sometimes not.

At the last workshop, an interesting exchange occurred when one of the teachers brought up the topic of how difficult it is to talk to parents about the behavioural problems their children exhibit in the classroom.   It just so happens I know a good number of teachers on a personal basis, and am even closely related to one (my daughter), so I have often heard the horror stories about battles with parents who seemingly refuse to acknowledge any behavioural problems their kids might have, or how disruptive these kids can be to others in the classroom, and so on and so on.

Having been on the other side of the table when my own kids' mental health/behavioural challenges have been the focus, I can tell you it's a pretty uncomfortable place to be.  I took the opportunity to offer my own theory of why parents react the way they do when the dreaded call(s) from the school start coming:  Most parents, when their kids are struggling with mental health issues, are fully aware of how difficult they can be to deal with, because they are often struggling at home as well.  Parenting is hard enough, but parenting kids with additional challenges can be draining emotionally, physically, psychologically, and financially.  In many instances, it's all parents can do to keep hearth and home together, and to keep an emotional lid on things.  A substantial number of parents are dealing with their own mental health problems as well, which also gets thrown into the mix.

So then the school calls, and the parent shows up, and is met , not by one, but more often by a group of educators  - classroom teacher, LST, principal, vice-principal  - with what seems like a litany of complaints about the kid in question.  The parent, tired and stressed, hears this message and internalizes it not as one of what problems their child has, but as the problem that their child is.  Feeling outnumbered and ganged up upon, and sticking to the old adage that if you're not in your child's corner no one else will be either, the parent goes on the defensive.  And so begins a circular firing squad, where there is lots of back and forth blaming, and no real attempt to see the other side's perspective.   The kid is the hot potato that nobody wants to get stuck with.

I have been at school meetings where shouting matches have broken out.   I've heard parents cry, and threaten, thereby sabotaging their own advocacy efforts.  I've heard principals tell parents that the school doesn't offer therapy, that they need to get professional help for their kids,  that their kids can't come to school until they are "fixed", and that they can't offer resources to the kid because there are others who "need it more".   In the interim, the kids are missing out on an education.

The problem is that most parents are desperate to get their kids the help they need, but are stuck on waiting lists (if they're lucky), or in a system of revolving doors that shut them and their children out because they don't fit the criteria, i.e. their problems aren't deemed severe enough to warrant intervention.   So stress on the parents and family as a whole continues to mount, more run-ins with the school ensue, and the dynamic continues.

Mental health has recently appeared on the radar of several school boards, including the Thames Valley Board.  But in order to have a meaningful impact, many more resources (read dollars) need to be allocated to the one in five kids who suffer with a mental illness in the school system.  Teachers need mandatory training, and a TON of help in the classroom to deal with the additional challenges, and principals need to stop wielding the heavy hand of authority that in essence excludes these kids from the educational system.  Parents and educators need to try to see the other's perspective, and do whatever it takes to work together to bring positive change.  A mind is a terrible thing to waste, and leaving one in five kids behind should be an embarrassment to any civilized society.

Another week,  another report in the media about a depressed gay teenager driven to committing suicide due, at least in part, to bullying at school.   The story in this morning's Globe and Mail concerns the 15 year old son of an Ottawa city councillor who reportedly tried to start a Rainbow club at his high school to promote acceptance of individual differences.  For his trouble, his posters were torn down from the hallways by fellow students and he was taunted and called names, both in public and online.  This talented young man was a championship figure skater and budding singer and actor, one whose potential will never be realized because of the cruelty of his peers.

In spite of numerous awareness campaigns and school based programs that target bullying, the problem remains.  Why don't these programs seem to work?  And how can a certain segment of the adolescent and young adult population be so lacking in empathy that they drive their peers to such desperate acts?

I have always thought that schools do a fairly decent job of educating and socializing the majority (but apparently not all, at least when it comes to socialization) of the "average" kids - those who aren't on the fringes in any way, be it intellectually, developmentally, socially, emotionally, or in terms of sexual orientation.   For a lot of these kids on the fringes, school is hell.  Imagine waking up every day knowing that you have to haul yourself off to a place where you know you will be humiliated, taunted, perhaps physically assaulted, and rejected.  And imagine that adults around you either don't seem to notice, or don't know what to do to help you.  And you're supposed to endure this for 4 years, or more.  What would you do?

Some seem to manage to get through despite the obstacles.  I know two of these kids - both gay young men who were best friends of my oldest daughter in high school.  My daughter was also bullied at school, not because of sexual orientation, but just because she was different enough to warrant the disdain of her peers.  All three of these kids suffered immensely at school, mostly in silence, but at least they had their own little social group and supportive, accepting parents, which I truly believe made all the difference. However, all were permanently scarred by their experiences at school. 

Many researchers argue that social/emotional intelligence is as important (and maybe even more so) as academic ability in determining future success.   Maybe formal programs that focus on social and emotional competence from a very early age should become a mandatory part of the Ontario curriculum, and maybe being able to demonstrate proficiency in these areas should be a prerequisite to high school graduation.  And if they can't be protected from their tormentors, maybe kids who are relentlessly bullied should have their own schools.   My daughter finished off the last two years of high school through a combination of online courses and part time attendance, and although it wasn't a perfect solution, it helped her maintain what was left of her mental health and got her through the years that she still refers to as the worst time of her life. It also made her a very independent learner, which gave her a leg up when she started university. I would highly recommend alternate programs for bullied kids as well as others for whom school itself is the impediment.

In London, LGBTQ kids aged 14-18 can find help through a program called Open Closet, which operates under the auspices of the Regional HIV/AIDS Connection.  Group meetings that help foster self esteem are held for two hours every Friday night, and feature guest speakers, discussion, and support in a safe environment.  For more information call  519-434-1601 or go online at www.hivaidsconnection.ca

For many, pets are considered part of the family unit.  In families with kids and pets, there inevitably comes a time when a beloved pet reaches the end of his life span, and parents are often unsure of how to help kids deal with the very real grief such a loss entails.    Vanier psychologist Dr. Esther Goldberg offers some advice to parents on how to handle this challenging situation.  Here's what she suggests:

Losing a pet can be devastating to all members of a family, but is often particularly difficult for children.

Although it's not likely to be helpful to tell children when they get a new puppy that the dog is likely to pass away at some point in the future, as these pets age, get sick or begin to decline, parents can take the opportunity to start to help their kids prepare emotionally for what is to come. 

Very young children and some special needs kids do not necessarily have the ability to understand the permanence of death.  However, a typically-developing school-aged child will likely have grasped this concept. 

In general, it is not recommended that parents lie or mislead children on this subject.  In addition to the fact that eventually children will grow up enough to recognize gentle stories as being lies, parents need to recognize that these opportunities are just that: opportunities.  Death and dying will affect people throughout their lifespan, and the coping mechanisms we instill in our children will help them through life, as loss will be inevitable. 

Before speaking to your child, it may be important for parents to evaluate their own perspectives on death and dying.  Think back to your own experiences and how they occurred.  What information were you given that was helpful, and what was not?  In addition, in two parent families there should be some agreement on consistency of information.  For example, parents don't always agree on religion or beliefs (e.g. heaven, angels), so be careful when talking to kids that such details are consistent.  It may be both confusing and heartbreaking for a child to be told by one parent that their beloved hamster is romping in the skies when the other has said that they're simply going into the ground.

Parents also need to be prepared for some questions.  Some may be obvious, but children have a way of looking at things that are unique and so there is no way to be fully prepared.  (I recall when a relative passed away my niece was afraid to ask what was keeping such a heavy person up in heaven.  She came to believe that it was full of very large hooks - kind of like the coat rack at the back of her classroom.)  Most children will wonder about the permanence of death, whether the pet could possibly come back to them, and so forth.  Talking about death in the broader sense may open up opportunities for a child to question their own and your mortality - if pets can die, so can people.  Be ready to possibly tackle larger issues! 

Be prepared to answer religiously-oriented questions in a consistent way.  If you use faith-based explanations (e.g. "Spot is with God now") expect that your child may target anger at God, or may feel  guilt  (e.g. "God took Spot away because I was bad").  Be ready to answer these questions in a way that fits with your religious beliefs and in keeping with information you have already provided on the subject.

Once parents are on the same page, remember that honesty is important and avoiding the subject is unlikely to be helpful.  As a pet ages, and signs of deterioration begin to show, you may want to take opportunities to discuss the natural progression of aging with your kids.  Don't scare them unnecessarily.  It will be important to stress that the life expectancy of a pet and a human can be very different - dogs and cats live about a fifth of how long we do, but turtles often live for much longer.  Keep your body language in mind while you cover this ground - if you are anxious, your child will know.  Be sure to have worked through your own issues on the subject sufficiently before trying to support your child.  Emotional upset is expected, but this should not be a place where the child is expected to be the one providing comfort.

How much information you give a child is going to depend on your child's age and maturity level.  Most people (even adults) do not have the capacity to speak about upsetting subjects at length - you'll likely notice that when covering uncomfortable ground as a grown-up that you can only focus on it for so long and then you'll shift the conversation, but may eventually return to the original issue.  Children will do this too.  Do not take it as a sign that your child is uncaring.  They may return to the topic after either a short or long time.  They are likely to need opportunities to digest information and come up with questions.

Knowing your child well will help, of course.  All children will need reassurance - and some will need a great deal of it.  Some children will be assisted by more logical discussions, others by emotionally-focused ones.  Some children may want specific details - which may feel excessive to you but may also be important to them.  Kids can become intensely curious and may want to know what happens to the body after it's buried. 

Although at this age they should be able to understand that death is permanent, a school-aged child can also still engage in something called magical thinking, for example,  "If I'm good, Fluffy will come back".  Because of this, adults need to be careful in their language.  Don't be afraid to use clear words such as "dead" since vague words and phrases - such as "gone to a better place" or "is at rest" -- may leave room for confusion and doubt.  They can also cause anxiety, and might result in a situation where kids don't want to go to bed because they worry that sleeping things sometimes don't wake up.

Some families may wonder about getting a new pet quickly.  This may or may not be suitable.  Oftentimes, when the family has more than one animal at home getting a second pet quickly may be a necessity - the second animal may be lonely or pining.  Beyond this, a little space and time before committing to a new animal is recommended.  It's important that the child not feel that living things that disappear are easily replaced in our lives and hearts. 

In summary:

• Be prepared and, if multiple adults are involved, make sure there is consistency in messages.
• Be honest and clear.  Avoid vague terms.
• Be prepared to revisit the topic as your child processes information and develops questions.
• Use this as an opportunity to discuss issues of death and dying (and potentially religion).
• Develop life lessons from this experience.  Death and loss are inevitable.  The way you manage in this situation will set the tone for future sad experiences. 
• Children are going to want to be reassured that they - and their parents - are safe.  Give clear messages that it is ok to be sad, with an understanding that this will lessen over time and that it is possible to love a new pet without any loss of love for a past one.

Some of my favourite psychological advice is this:  Time does not heal all wounds, but what you do with that time may.

So, this is it - school's back the week after next, and if you're starting to see some escalating behaviours cropping up in your child, it might be back-to-school anxiety.  Anything from irritability, bad dreams, clinginess, fighting with siblings, bedwetting, crying, or temper tantrums can be a sign that your child is feeling anxious about the upcoming school year.  Transitions can be hard on all kids, from kindergarten through high school, and the stress they cause can take a toll on parents too.

I know at our house this week was always a stressful one, where maintaining equilibrium was our prime goal and challenge.  Even though I haven't had kids in the system for several years now, I still get a bit ansy at this point in the summer.  Maybe it was more of a throwback to my own childhood, but saying goodbye to the unstructured, lazy days of summer and trading them in for homework, early bedtimes and school lunches always made me a bit sad too.

It's easier to help ease kids back into some school routines if you start ahead of time.  Having bed times fifteen minutes or half an hour earlier every day for the next week, for example, will make it less of a problem getting out of bed when the alarm goes off on the first day of school.  Letting kids help with choosing and making what they will take for school lunch helps them get back into a healthier eating patterns.  For kids on a balanced day schedule, remember there are two twenty minute nutrition breaks  throughout the day and plan accordingly.   Having a bit of control over what they choose to wear and letting them pick out their own school supplies such as backpacks, notebooks, binders, etc. can also be a bit of a "perq" for going back.

One of my kids was very socially anxious, and a strategy we used to ease her fears about going back was to "rehearse" what to do and say in certain situations.    We identified potential problem scenarios, and came up in advance with suggestions on how to respond.  This helped her build up a repertoire of responses, and helped her confidence.   Other strategies might include drawing a picture or writing a story about how to handle problem situations. 

If your child is worried about being bullied, make sure to let him know that you are aware of the issue and will help support him if necessary, and work on some strategies to deal with the problem.  These can include not having your child walk to school/ home alone, giving the teacher a heads up to potential problems at the beginning of the year,  and rehearsing what to do/say/who to tell if an incident occurs.  Don't try to minimize the problem or reassure your child that everything will be just fine - sometimes it isn't and you must be prepared to advocate for him if it is warranted.

Last but not least, if time permits, throw one last summer blast to help your kids say goodbye to the season - a trip to the beach, a picnic in the park, or invite their friends and their parents over for a barbecue/get together.   Enjoy the last few days, and best of luck to everyone for the year ahead.

Summer has unofficially reached the half way point - hope everyone's enjoying the warm weather and the respite from the hustle and bustle of the school year. 

I have had the chance to get down to the beach a few times in the last several weeks, and one thing I noticed is that a lot of parents seem to be using spray on sunscreen on their kids.  My first thought was what a great idea, especially for the squirmy little guys who can't seem to stand still long enough to get slathered up, or for kids like mine who have sensory problems and don't like the feel of creams or lotions on their skin.

Well, for every great idea, it seems there is a downside.  The Food and Drug Administration in the U.S. issued a press release in June on sunscreen effectiveness and apparently will also investigate the safety of spray on sunscreens.  Apparently there is a greater chance of inhalation of the chemicals in these types of sunscreens due to the aerosols they contain, and parents have been advised by Consumer Reports to avoid using these on their kids, at least for the time being until further testing is complete.  If you do use these, they suggest you spray the sunscreen into the palm of your hand and apply it as you would a lotion or cream.  Sort of eliminates the convenience factor, though.

The consensus remains among experts that the benefits of using sunscreen outweigh any potential risks.  Reading the label is a good practice, whether with food or any other product, and there are certain things to look out for. 

Some of the chemicals in sunscreens have been linked to adverse health effects, particularly in children.  In the past, parents have been warned to avoid sunscreens containing some of these chemicals, including  oxybenzone, a suspected hormone disruptor, and retinyl palmitate, a form of vitamin A that is suspected of actually increasing skin cancer risk in some instances.  An ingredient that appears to be safe for kids is avobenzone, so look for labels containing this.  Babies under the age of 6 months shouldn't have sunscreen applied to their skin at all, and should be totally shielded at all times from the sun. 

They are also considering limiting the SPF (sun protection) factor to 50 because above that level, there doesn't seem to be any increased protection.  There can be a false sense of security with higher SPFs, and apparently beyond a certain point they are all basically the same.   Sunscreens need to be reapplied frequently to avoid sunburn, and this includes water resistant and "sport" sunscreens. 

To complicate the matter, there is growing scientific evidence that over the course of the last few decades, levels of vitamin D in the general population are falling, and some think this is related to the blocking effect of sunscreens.  Vitamin D is best produced in the body by sun exposure on the skin, however, ten minutes per day in early morning or in late afternoon when the sun's rays are not so damaging appears to work best.  Supplements are another alternative.

One of the best pieces of advice is for parents to ensure that they limit the amount of time kids are in direct sunlight  - and avoid being in the sun between the hours of 10 am and 2 pm - and make sure they wear light, protective clothing and spend as much time as possible in the shade.  

Summer in Canada is short and sweet, so hope that everyone enjoys the next few weeks .   Let's all stay safe and make the most of summer!

This past week, there have been some disturbing headlines in the news about teenagers engaging in behaviour that resulted in the death of a York region police officer.  These are stories that conjure up every parent's worst nightmare, as well as a lot of finger pointing and blame.  No doubt, having a son or daughter who commits a serious crime is not what any parent anticipates when raising a child, and it is heartbreaking for all concerned when not only an innocent life is lost, but a young person's future is derailed by such a serious incident.

Though not all offenses have such tragic consequences as the one that occurred this week, many parents eventually face a situation in which their child has a run in with the legal system.  Teenagers are especially prone to making bad decisions, some of which result in terrible outcomes.  As Dr. Peter Jaffe has explained, research shows that teenagers are much less capable than adults of anticipating consequences and controlling impulsive behaviour, due to the lack of maturation in the brain.  This seems to be especially true for boys, and explains why they are more frequently involved in these situations than girls.

We have a tendency to want to have a logical reason for why things happen, and in the case of kids in trouble with the law, we often assume that bad parenting is to blame.  While this is no doubt a factor in some situations, I have known some outstanding parents whose children nonetheless ran afoul of the legal system.  Many factors, including mental illness, poverty, racism, and so on can contribute to brushes with police.

The Youth Criminal Justice Act is the federal law that governs cases where a minor is involved - that is, a person under 18 years of age.  The YCJA pertains to criminal offenses, such as assault, drug infractions, etc., committed by kids from the ages of 12 to 17; children under the age of 12 are not considered criminally responsible for their actions.  Provincial laws cover other offenses, such as drinking under age, careless driving, trespassing, etc.   

It is important for parents whose children are involved in the legal system to know their child's rights and what to expect.  A very good resource can be found online through Justice for Children and Youth (www.jfcy.org).  This website outlines the Youth Criminal Justice Act, and provides information on police powers, records, fingerprinting and DNA, finding a lawyer, what to expect in court, aboriginal youth, sentencing and appeals.  More information, including secure custody facilities for youth, can be found on the Ministry of Children and Youth Services website at   http://www.children.gov.on.ca/htdocs/English/topics/youthandthelaw/about.aspx. 

Should your child become involved in the legal system, it is important to have this information and to be as informed and educated as possible on these matters.  Whatever the situation, as parents our job is to help our kids and hopefully, to guide them onto a better path. 

Like many Ontarians, I and my family will soon find ourselves in the unenviable position of being without a family doctor.  In another year or so, our trusted family doctor is set to retire, thrusting my family and the many others he has treated for decades out into the brave new world of healthcare where potential patients are routinely "interviewed" by family docs to see if they fit with a particular practice.

Stories abound about patients being rejected based on some pretty shaky criteria, such as age (too old, too young),  medical status (too sick - though I thought treating illness was what a large part of what being a doctor is all about, but what do I know), too time consuming (? too many visits?, chronic illness?), or any number of other unknowable factors that makes prepping for a family doctor interview almost impossible, and totally unlike, say, preparing for a job interview.

My personal predicament aside, there is of course a larger dimension to consider.  For years government policy restricted the number of students admitted to medical schools.  During the same period, many new graduates migrated toward specialized practice, resulting in the current shortage of family doctors.

One of the most worrying aspects to this shortage is the fact that so many children are growing up without being followed by a regular family doctor, one who is personally familiar with the family, their medical history, and one who can spot problems early on and refer them to appropriate services and interventions.  This is crucial for kids with special needs,  as family doctors are the gatekeepers of the medical system, and familiarity with a particular child's development is essential to ensuring he or she has the best possible chance to grow up healthy - physically, mentally, and psychologically.

So what can people do if they find themselves without a family doctor?    A recent article in the Globe and Mail offered some really good tips for anyone searching for a family doc.  These include:

• Concentrate on looking in July, because that's when med students and residents graduate from their respective programs. If the university in your community has a faculty of medicine, check with the department of family medicine to see if new graduates are opening practices in your city.
• If there is a community health centre in your area, they often accept new patients. See http://www.health.gov.on.ca/english/public/contact/chc/chcloc_mn.html
• Some family medicine clinics operate out of teaching hospitals. Check with the teaching hospitals in your area to see if they have one.
• Go to the Ministry of Health's website to see a list of family doctors accepting new patients. http://www.health.gov.on.ca/en/ms/healthcareconnect/public/

Finally, if you're not successful in finding a family doctor, call/write/e-mail your MPP,  the Minister of Health (currently Deb Mathews) and the premier.  They aren't going to find you a doctor, but they need to hear regularly from the thousands of people in this province who can't find one.

This is a funny little piece written by a journalist who happens to be the mother of a daughter with Asperger syndrome.  I found it on the internet several years back, when my son was still in school and I was still embroiled in the sometimes adversarial politics of special education.  Like many of you now, back then I often felt I was close to my tolerance threshold, mired in the stress and frustration that parents can feel when IEP revision time rolls around.  I identified strongly with this mom, and this story made me laugh -- a very good tonic when I needed it most.  Well, it's that time of year again!   I hope that for parents who are still "fighting the good fight" on behalf of their kids in school it will provide a little comedy relief for you, as is still does for me. 

The Grievance - by Sandra Vogel

Like everyone else who works at her school, my daughter has a union.

At the last collective bargaining meeting, sometimes called an Individualized Education Planning meeting (IEP) of school staff and the Federated Association of the Autistic, Repressed and under-Taught (FAART), I had the opportunity to present management  --a.k.a. the teacher -- with a year-end report card written in her own language.

But first, she aired a grievance.

"I asked your FAART to write in complete sentences on the test and she answered in three or four words", the teacher said. "She was done before anyone else. "

Firstly, my daughter has Asperger's Syndrome. The language in her contract forbids management giving her and others with autism-spectrum disorders abstract instructions and then becoming frustrated when they're not followed.

"How many words are there exactly in a complete sentence Mom?" my FAART asked me later.

Second, the exam in question was one of those mandated ones that gauges how well each classroom/school/district is doing compared to others in the province/country/world. It was very, very important to management that the "workers" did well. But the thing was meaningless and incomprehensible to all but the brown-nosing, "Can I take home an extra math sheet?" students, but especially to my daughter and the other FAARTs.

Thirdly, my daughter has a writing disorder, dysgraphia. For years I received notes and report cards that said:

• poor grammar and sentence construction,
• hurries through her assignments, makes careless errors, does not edit,
• gets very upset if she has to rework something,
• good ideas but lacks patience, perseverance in writing them,
• handwriting is weak and difficult,
• lacks coordination, motivation, patience

My daughter was tested for a writing disability and certified "dysgraphic" several years ago, but not awarded a scribe until a collective bargaining meeting last year.

The scribe's job description said: Do the grunt work, especially on exams, so The Dysgraphic One doesn't become so frustrated trying to remember where the capitals, periods and spaces go, that she forgets she once knew the answers to questions one through 68.

Writing is, to my little FAART, a foreign language. And I thought we had won one for the working FAARTs when I insisted her report card language be changed to read "Has good ideas, but lacks the neurological hard-wiring to communicate in a fashion that forces her to translate her thoughts from pictures, to words in her head, to words on paper".

Despite being privy to the same information as I, and having agreed to the contract language, management was now sitting across the table asking me to explain why my FAART wouldn't answer in complete sentences.

So I said: "Perhaps her scribe didn't understand the instructions".

Surely the scribe, as a member of the world's second-oldest profession, wouldn't intentionally make the teacher look bad by writing in incomplete sentences, I thought. I know how idealistic scribes can be, being one myself.

"She doesn't have a scribe all the time," the teacher said, looking appalled that someone capable of such intentionally unpunctuated work would deserve a full-time pinch-writer.

Management, I realized then, believed this service was just for those times when the FAART was feeling really dysgraphic and autistic, as opposed to when she was just being "careless", suffering from "weak" handwriting, spelling problems, letter/number reversals, and the all-important "lack-of-capitals-and-punctuation".

Apparently management's contract allows teachers to make judgment calls on whether the child psychiatrist, school psychologist, pediatrician and Children's Hospital were 'right' about their diagnosis. If they genuinely believe a FAART could do better if she applied herself, it's okay to say so. After all, FAARTs don't look disabled, do they?

But then my daughter's teacher doesn't look like she has an inflexible adherence to specific teaching routines and behaviours, development of restricted, repetitive patterns of teaching interests and activities, or an inability to understand the social rules of interaction with autistic people either.

So on the teacher's report card I wrote:

• Has some ability, but becomes frustrated and uncooperative when asked to  rework her teaching methods for invisibly disabled children;
• Has good ideas, but lacks patience and perseverance in implementing them;
• Anxiety levels often determine her success;
• Poor ability to teach grammar, sentence construction, capitalization and punctuation;
•  Attention span is short; forgets agreed-upon strategies from one IEP to the next;
• Ability to help child overcome dysgraphia is minimal;
• Ability to think in pictures is, unlike the student's, weak and difficult;
• Areas of strength: Is the first to put up her hand to answer a question at IEPs, is good at drama and responds well to positive reinforcement given publicly.

Having just read the Ministry of Education's latest "guidelines" regarding fees charged to students in Ontario public schools, my reaction is, I suspect, similar to that of most other parents:  confusion over what they are actually saying and scepticism that much is going to change as a result. 

For every year I can remember, all three of my kids were asked, at various intervals from September through to the end of June, to send in and/or raise money for this or that activity, year book, student athletics, special project, school trip, and so on and so on.  I never kept a tally, but I am sure it all added up to a fair chunk of change.  I remember one year being asked to send in five dollars at the beginning of the year for Kleenex and other unspecified personal hygiene items for the class - a good idea in theory, but an additional cost at a time when back to school expenses are already a strain for most families.

The Ministry is supposedly attempting to clarify to both school boards and parents what exactly is permissible and what is not in terms of student fees.  Instead, the document is full of contradictory statements such as: 

Every student has the right to attend a school, where they are a qualified resident pupil, without payment of a fee, (note to the Ministry:  please check your work for grammar!)

followed  by this statement: 

Fees raised for school purposes are to complement, and not replace, public funding for education.

So, students have the right to attend school without payment of a fee, but fees can nonetheless be levied on them -- for enhanced materials, or "extras" that aren't the absolute minimum to meet curriculum requirements, if the student so chooses.  Hmmm.....sounds a little two-tiered to me.   The Ministry then goes on to say that students should not be limited by their ability to pay (which they obviously are), and that boards should be:

Making every effort to ensure all students can participate in student activities regardless of ability to pay;  

BUT 

where a student chooses not to participate, alternative assignments should be provided for students to meet the expectations of the course.

This sounds very much like educational doublespeak to me.  Students who choose not to participate in, let's say, a class trip to the Science Centre in Toronto because they can't afford it and are too embarrassed to say so will be given some "alternative" assignment, such as an extra essay or project to meet the course expectations.   What is missing here is an acknowledgement that disadvantaged children don't choose.  Rather, their choices are frequently dictated by their circumstances.  What's fair about that? 

The advocacy group People for Education reports that some schools have raised as much as $90,000 for special projects, while others in less privileged areas raise as little as $1,000 for similar projects.  With this kind of disparity among schools, somebody is getting short-changed.   The entire rationale for public education is to level the playing field for all kids, so that each will have an opportunity to reach his or her potential. 

My message to the Ministry of Education as a parent and taxpayer:  say what you mean and mean what you say, get rid of fees, demand detailed financial accountability of school boards, and make sure kids from the neediest families aren't losing out on opportunities other kids have. Otherwise, a public education isn't really public.