There is a lot of discussion these days about the subject of
bullying and what can be done to stop it. Because
bullies often target children whom they perceive to be weaker
and less self-assured, one of the suggestions parenting
experts recommend is to start "bully-proofing" kids from a
very early age by teaching them to be assertive. Here
are some tips for parents to help them accomplish this (From the
website Inspiration - How to Stand Up for Yourself):
1. Be assertive yourself. Children model the behaviour of
their parents. If they grow up in a home where everyone feels
comfortable expressing their feelings and desires, your children
will learn this behaviour.
2. Let their voices be heard in family matters. Hold family
meetings and let them give input. Obviously, small children are not
capable of deciding the family budget, but they can assist in other
ways. For example, sit down and come up with a weekly menu and
allow them to make suggestions.
3. Make their opinions valid. In holding those family meetings
you sometimes will have to take their suggestions. It might mean
hot dogs for dinner on Sunday or a trip to the park or a pet with a
silly name, but it allows them to know that their opinions are
respected.
4. Follow through on discipline. If you tell your child she will
lose dessert if she does not eat her vegetables, then you cannot
fold. Discipline is a building block for boundaries. A child who
has boundaries is less likely to allow others to take advantage of
her.
5. Use constructive criticism. If your child kicks or hits you,
tell him, "stop kicking me, it hurts mommy" instead of, "no, you're
bad." Letting him know he is doing something wrong without hurting
his feeling encourages him to be assertive.
6. Explain the rules. Telling your child, "You have to eat your
breakfast so you will feel good when you play later," is a much
better answer than, "because." It allows your child to understand
that the rules are not arbitrary.
7. Let your child make the rules sometimes. If he only wants to
wear orange, let him wear orange. As long as the rules he wants to
follow are not detrimental to him or others, let him follow them.
This allows your child to learn about making his own decisions and
being in control of his destiny.
8. As your child gets older, talk to him about being assertive.
Children of school age and slightly younger can understand how to
stand up for themselves if you explain it in simple terms. Give
them examples or do role playing games with them to help them
understand.
9. Watch out for their friends. If you see your child being
bullied by another child, try to move her to another play area. By
the same token, when you find a friend whose relationship with your
child is equally give and take, work hard to foster that
friendship.
10. Listen to them. As our children get older it is easy to
think that they need us less. That is false -- what they need as
they get older is for their parents to be available when they are
ready and willing to talk. Children who know their voice is heard
at home grow up to be assertive adults.
