Another week, another report in the media about a
depressed gay teenager driven to committing suicide due, at least
in part, to bullying at school. The story in this
morning's Globe and Mail concerns the 15 year old son of an Ottawa
city councillor who reportedly tried to start a Rainbow club at his
high school to promote acceptance of individual differences.
For his trouble, his posters were torn down from the hallways by
fellow students and he was taunted and called names, both in public
and online. This talented young man was a championship figure
skater and budding singer and actor, one whose potential will never
be realized because of the cruelty of his peers.
In spite of numerous awareness campaigns and school based
programs that target bullying, the problem remains. Why don't
these programs seem to work? And how can a certain segment of
the adolescent and young adult population be so lacking in empathy
that they drive their peers to such desperate acts?
I have always thought that schools do a fairly decent job of
educating and socializing the majority (but apparently not all, at
least when it comes to socialization) of the "average" kids - those
who aren't on the fringes in any way, be it intellectually,
developmentally, socially, emotionally, or in terms of sexual
orientation. For a lot of these kids on the fringes,
school is hell. Imagine waking up every day knowing that you
have to haul yourself off to a place where you know you will be
humiliated, taunted, perhaps physically assaulted, and
rejected. And imagine that adults around you either don't
seem to notice, or don't know what to do to help you. And
you're supposed to endure this for 4 years, or more.
What would you do?
Some seem to manage to get through despite the obstacles.
I know two of these kids - both gay young men who were best friends
of my oldest daughter in high school. My daughter was also
bullied at school, not because of sexual orientation, but just
because she was different enough to warrant the disdain of her
peers. All three of these kids suffered immensely
at school, mostly in silence, but at least they had their own
little social group and supportive, accepting parents, which I
truly believe made all the difference. However, all were
permanently scarred by their experiences at school.
Many researchers argue that social/emotional intelligence is as
important (and maybe even more so) as academic ability in
determining future success. Maybe formal programs that
focus on social and emotional competence from a very early age
should become a mandatory part of the Ontario curriculum,
and maybe being able to demonstrate proficiency in these areas
should be a prerequisite to high school graduation. And if
they can't be protected from their tormentors, maybe kids who are
relentlessly bullied should have their own schools.
My daughter finished off the last two years of
high school through a combination of online courses and part time
attendance, and although it wasn't a perfect solution, it helped
her maintain what was left of her mental health and got her through
the years that she still refers to as the worst time of her
life. It also made her a very independent learner,
which gave her a leg up when she started university. I
would highly recommend alternate programs for bullied kids as well
as others for whom school itself is the impediment.
In London, LGBTQ kids aged 14-18 can find help through a program
called Open Closet, which operates under the auspices of the
Regional HIV/AIDS Connection. Group meetings that help foster
self esteem are held for two hours every Friday night, and feature
guest speakers, discussion, and support in a safe
environment. For more information call 519-434-1601 or
go online at www.hivaidsconnection.ca
