There are a lot of kids, especially the younger ones, who at
this time of the year get pretty ramped up as Christmas
approaches. Problem behaviours can escalate, and the kids
find it hard to keep things under control. This can be a
problem for parents and classroom teachers, who find
themselves struggling to keep the kids focused and
behaviours in check.
For kids whose brains are wired somewhat differently, the issues
around self-control and maintaining emotional balance are year
round concerns. These kids can have varying diagnoses,
including obsessive-compulsive disorder, sensory processing
dysfunction, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, oppositional
defiant disorder, Tourette syndrome, autism spectrum disorder, and
many others. They may have tantrums at the drop of
a hat, or extreme reactions stemming from seemingly minor
occurrences. These "behaviours" frequently trip them up
and get them in trouble, at school, at home, and in life. I
came across a really good article a few years ago, called
"Balancing the Tray", by Lenore Gerould, that helps explain what
it's like to be one of these kids, and why they act (and react) the
way they do. This is what she says:
Try to imagine the child balancing a large serving tray on one
upturned hand. Every distress for that child is like a
liquid-filled glass you are putting on this tray. The ''distress
glasses' are unique to each kid, but generally include things like
auditory or visual over-stimulation, social interaction,
'surprises' or unexpected changes in the schedule, lack of clear
leadership, the number of people in the room - whatever is
sensitive for that child. (Don't forget the ability to read the
body language and anxiety of the adults around them!) The size and
weight of the 'glass' for that child varies, just like the
'distress glasses' vary for each kid. Some things are merely shot
glass size, while others can be a two litre jug. At some point the
tray is going to start to wobble - the liquid will start spilling
out of the glasses on the tray. The cues that this is happening
will vary from kid to kid just as the cause and size of a 'glass'
varies kid to kid, but generally include regressive behavior,
avoidance or shutting down, giggling or minor acting out to get
attention.
Hopefully, someone will help the kid rebalance the tray, or
remove some glasses. Perhaps taking a break, or allowing time to
refocus or process will work; again, techniques are unique to each
kid. If there's no intervention, the addition of one more glass
will topple the tray to the floor. The cause is not the most recent
'glass' you added, but the fact that the tray was full or too heavy
(the latter is why the child seems so unpredictable to some
people.) Our efforts should be that the kid learn to hold a bigger
tray, or to do minor correction of the tray's balance somewhat
independently, but they will always carry that wobbling tray.
Ignoring cues can be disastrous, from classroom disruptions to a
major regression. When a kids's tray crashes to the floor, it is
always a major event. That's why, if I hear my son got highly upset
over a moved pencil sharpener and acted out, I do not want to hear
that he has to learn to accept change. The sharpener is immaterial
if I learn that day he'd dealt with a substitute teacher, a fire
drill just as Reading was starting, dead calculator batteries
halfway through Math, a 'crashed' computer in the middle of
English, a late bus so that he missed part of home room and some
florescent lights in the class are half out - his tray was already
full.
All of the distresses are unavoidable and he'd dealt with them
without a hitch; but each was another glass on this tray. These
kids need someone around who is familiar with them; to sense how
full the tray is getting and read the cues, so there's intervention
before that wobbling tray topples to the floor. That is why the
type of support for these kids is critical, not just a 'hot body'
nearby - but the 'right hot body' whom they can trust will help
balance and who knows the 'triggers'.
For all of us, life is a balancing act, but for some kids the
glasses generally break when they hit the floor and it takes a
whole lot longer to clean up the mess and get a new tray.
