Do

• Observe your child in a wide variety of social situations such as in school, on the playground, and at home to get a better understanding of his social strengths and weaknesses.
• Design a subtle "signal system" (such as tapping your lips with your finger) to cue the child in social situations. For example, if he talks about only one topic and is boring the listener, cue him to change the topic or cease the discussion without causing embarrassment or conflict.
• Establish reward systems to reinforce appropriate social behaviour, including even the smallest signs of progress and growth.
• Enroll the child in group activities that take into account his interests and abilities. If you are worried that the child may be rejected by the others because of his negative reputation, enroll him in activities in another neighbourhood so he can begin with a "clean slate".
• Continually reinforce social information. Many social skill deficits are caused by a lack of basic information (e.g., all odd numbered houses are on one side of the street; mayonnaise must be refrigerated; mail deliveries are made only once daily).  View every outing or activity as a "classroom" for social information.
• Encourage all members of the family to assist in creating a support system for the child. Siblings play a particularly important role in such a system. Create a non-competitive home (and school!!) environment in which the child learns to celebrate his own small victories. Special needs kids must learn to view their progress as compared to their own previous performance, not the performance of others.
• Make transitions easier for the child. Students with social skill deficits often have difficulty "changing gears" from one activity to another. This is particularly true when going from an enjoyable activity, such as a game, to a less pleasurable one, such as math drills. In order to ensure a smoother transition, be certain to "wind down" the enjoyable activity by providing a warning signal several minutes prior to the end of the activity. Give a couple of warnings of how much time remains before the activity will conclude.
• Make modifications and adjustments to accommodate the child. For example, if he is unable to complete homework because he constantly forgets his books, request a second set of textbooks to keep one at home and one in school.
• Work on one behaviour or social skill at a time to avoid confusion or information overload.
• Assist the child in expressing his feelings during emotionally charged social situations by helping him find the appropriate words, for example, "I am sure that you feel angry and jealous when Daniel and Sean go fishing and don't invite you."
• Teach empathy. Encourage the child to be more understanding of the feelings of others. Use role playing to help him "walk in another's shoes".
• Provide the child with choices whenever possible.  For instance, "I want you to clean your room now. Do you want to pick up your toys or make up your bed first?" This approach fosters ownership of the task and independent problem solving skills.  
• Provide the child with a positive model of appropriate social skills. Be certain that your behaviour mirrors the skills that you are teaching (e.g., temper control, courteous listening).

Don't

• Necessarily discourage the child from establishing relationships with students who are a year or two younger than he is. He may be seeking his developmentally appropriate level. By befriending younger students, he may enjoy a degree of status and acceptance that he does not experience among his peers.
• Force the child to participate in large groups if he is not willing or able. If the child responds well when working with another student, plan activities in which he has opportunities to do so. Then add a third person to the group, then another and so on.
• Place the child in highly-charged competitive situations. These are often a source of great anxiety and failure for special needs kids. Rather, focus upon participation, enjoyment, contribution and satisfaction in competitive activities. Emphasis should be placed on the development of skills and strategies - not on winning or losing.
• Assume that the child understood your instructions because he did not ask any questions. Ask him to repeat the instructions in his own words before beginning the activity.
• Scold the child when he tells you about social confrontations or difficulties that he has experienced. He will respond by refusing to share these incidents with you. Rather, thank him for sharing the experience with you and discuss optional strategies that he could have used.
• Attempt to teach social skills at times of high stress. Instead, approach the child at a time when he is relaxed and receptive. For example, "Next week you will be going to Jimmy's birthday party. Let's practice how you will hand him your gift and what you will say when he opens it and thanks you."
• View praise as the only verbal reinforcement - interest works, too! Expressing a genuine and sincere interest in a child can be as positive and motivating as praise. (e.g. "I watched you playing soccer at recess, Adam. Do you play at home with your brothers?")
• Encourage the frustrated child to relieve his stress via pointless physical activity (e.g.. punching a pillow). Rather, teach him to relieve stress through an activity which has definable and observable goals. (e.g. shoot ten baskets, run five laps, write a one-page letter)

What was most troubling about all this was the ages of the kids - 5 and 6 year olds.  I was troubled, although not surprised.   I routinely get calls from parents whose young children have received suspensions -- in one case a 6 year old received the maximum 20 days suspension- a whole MONTH of school !!    When I spoke to that parent, the school board in question had not supplied the child with academic support (as is mandatory with such a long suspension), nor offered any plan to address the student's behavioural issues (also mandatory).   Ironically, if the shoe were on the other foot and the parent was the one keeping the kid home for a month, the sky would be falling on the parent's head.

What's most disturbing about these situations is that a lot of these kids turn out to have special needs of one sort or another, many related to mental health, and are almost never identified by the schools at this early stage.  The mental health problems don't go away just because the kids aren't in school, and so these kids end up with a series of suspensions, which when added up amount to weeks or months of class time.  They're being doubly penalized -  being burdened with a mental illness in the first place, and secondly,  being essentially excluded from the same educational opportunities their peers enjoy as a result of their mental illness.

To their credit, both the Thames Valley District School Board and the London District Catholic School Board have recently come up with five year mental health strategic plans.   It is wonderful that mental health is finally on their radar, but both plans in my opinion are a bit vague, especially when it comes to classroom supports - where the rubber hits the road.  Goals such as "increasing mental health literacy of staff" and building "mentally healthy schools" are good, overarching principles, but don't directly address the reality of the classroom environment  -- one teacher in front of 20 to 25 students, 5 or 6 of whom have mental health issues that often, at least from the teacher's perspective, manifest as discipline problems.  So suspension becomes the method the school uses to deal with the student's mental illness, and the student returns ,  but the real problem - the mental health issue --  hasn't been addressed, so the cycle repeats.

In most instances, it's likely that the student with mental illness needs more intensive intervention than that which even the most mental- health- literate classroom teacher can provide.   The teacher's job, after all, is to deliver the curriculum so every child can understand it and to assess learning.  Would it be different if students had more direct support, say a mental health worker assigned to every school to work one on one with the high needs kids?  I think it would.  I think it would not only help students and their parents, but also teachers, many of whom suffer from stress and burnout (from dealing with all these challenging students and their parents in the first place).   Or maybe every school should have a mental health resource room to help kids learn about living with mental illness, how to advocate for themselves, and get support in dealing with their own challenges before the behavioural tripwires get them suspended.

Maybe this is too much pie in the sky thinking in these times of budgetary restraint.   But until and unless we stop trying to cure the illness by putting bandaids on the symptoms, we're just doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.   And even most 5 year olds know that doesn't work.  

Stay calm - Be calm and firm at the same time. Use a neutral tone of voice instead of yelling.

Be direct - A direct command leaves no question in the child's mind what she is being told to do. For example, "Pick up your toys" instead of "Mommy likes it when you pick up your toys." 

State commands positively - Tell your child what to do instead of what not to do. Avoid the use of "no," "don't," "stop," "quit it," etc. For example, "Keep your feet on the ground" instead of "Stop climbing on the furniture."

Give one command at a time - Children have a hard time remembering more than one thing at a time. Avoid stringing commands together. For example, "Put your toys in the bin" instead of "Put your toys away, wash your hands, and come to dinner."

Give age-appropriate commands - Commands should be things that the child is developmentally/physically capable of doing. Remember that many tasks have multiple steps. Children may need you to help them break down the command. For example, "Put the clothes that are on the floor in the hamper" instead of "Clean your room."

Give brief rationales - For example, "We are going to the store, so put on your coat." A longer rationale is not needed and only creates confusion.

Be physically present - Instead of yelling across the room or house, get directly in front of your child, make good eye contact, and show him what you want.

Ask the child to repeat the command - This will ensure that there is no question as to whether your child heard the command.

Reward compliance - Immediately acknowledge that your child has completed a command by using praise, attention, and affection.

Make sure you mean it - Never give a command that you do not intend to see followed through to its completion. Use timeout or gently guide him through the task as necessary.

She also talks a lot about parenting styles, and urges parents to use firmness but flexibility in raising kids.  The analogies she uses to describe various parenting styles are great too.  She outlines the three main ways parents interact with their kids as the following:

The Brick Wall Parent

These are the parents who are totally rigid in their parenting style.  There's no questioning parental authority, and no bending of the rules, ever.  The danger with these parents is that their kids live in an environment that is so restrictive that they can never venture beyond the dictates of the parents, and never learn to take calculated risks or think for themselves - all their decisions are made for them in advance.  In adolescence, especially, when kids rebel and need to break away from their parents to start establishing their own individual identities, there can be major clashes with these drill sergeant parents that can cause irreparable harm.

The Jelly fish Parent

Barbara describes the jelly fish parent as being the exact opposite of the brick wall parent - anything goes.  There are no limits, no structure and no rules - life for the kids of a jelly fish parent is a chaotic gong show.   Go to bed when you like, come home when you feel like it.  Kids who grow up with jelly fish parents never really know where to draw the line, because there weren't any boundaries or structure in their early lives to help guide them.  There can be lots of problems at school as well, because there are most definitely rules to follow there.  They can be easily influenced by negative peers, and might also have difficulty as adults when rules - such as being on time for work - need to be followed.

The Backbone Parent

The middle ground between the jellyfish parent and the brick wall parent is the backbone parent.  Just like the backbone in the body, there is flexibility to bend when needed, and the strength to stand straight and hold oneself upright.  Backbone parents know that rules and structure are important to have order, but there are times when it's necessary to have the flexibility to bend the rules, or even put them aside.  This type of parenting includes empathy, dialogue and reason, rather than rules for rule's sake or the free for all approach.

Parents of high needs kids might think these parenting guidelines only apply to families raising typical, run of the mill kids.  When other parents complain about their kids not picking up their toys, or not brushing their teeth, it's hard to relate if your problem is trying to keep your child from punching holes in the wall, or attacking the teacher, or banging his head when he has a meltdown.   What's even harder is not feeling like a failure as a parent, or feeling judged by others.  I learned a long time ago not to measure my own parenting or my exceptional child's behaviour against that of others.  When you have a special needs kid,   I would say it's even more essential to show flexibility in understanding their behaviour in the context of the very different challenges the child faces.  That when having a backbone really comes in handy, to help with the heavy lifting.    

For kids whose brains are wired somewhat differently, the issues around self-control and maintaining emotional balance are year round concerns.  These kids can have varying diagnoses, including obsessive-compulsive disorder, sensory processing dysfunction, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, Tourette syndrome, autism spectrum disorder, and many others.  They may have  tantrums at the drop of a hat, or extreme reactions stemming from seemingly minor occurrences.   These "behaviours" frequently trip them up and get them in trouble, at school, at home, and in life.  I came across a really good article a few years ago, called "Balancing the Tray", by Lenore Gerould, that helps explain what it's like to be one of these kids, and why they act (and react) the way they do.  This is what she says:

Try to imagine the child balancing a large serving tray on one upturned hand. Every distress for that child is like a liquid-filled glass you are putting on this tray. The ''distress glasses' are unique to each kid, but generally include things like auditory or visual over-stimulation, social interaction, 'surprises' or unexpected changes in the schedule, lack of clear leadership, the number of people in the room - whatever is sensitive for that child. (Don't forget the ability to read the body language and anxiety of the adults around them!) The size and weight of the 'glass' for that child varies, just like the 'distress glasses' vary for each kid. Some things are merely shot glass size, while others can be a two litre jug. At some point the tray is going to start to wobble - the liquid will start spilling out of the glasses on the tray. The cues that this is happening will vary from kid to kid just as the cause and size of a 'glass' varies kid to kid, but generally include regressive behavior, avoidance or shutting down, giggling or minor acting out to get attention.

Hopefully, someone will help the kid rebalance the tray, or remove some glasses. Perhaps taking a break, or allowing time to refocus or process will work; again, techniques are unique to each kid. If there's no intervention, the addition of one more glass will topple the tray to the floor. The cause is not the most recent 'glass' you added, but the fact that the tray was full or too heavy (the latter is why the child seems so unpredictable to some people.) Our efforts should be that the kid learn to hold a bigger tray, or to do minor correction of the tray's balance somewhat independently, but they will always carry that wobbling tray. Ignoring cues can be disastrous, from classroom disruptions to a major regression. When a kids's tray crashes to the floor, it is always a major event. That's why, if I hear my son got highly upset over a moved pencil sharpener and acted out, I do not want to hear that he has to learn to accept change. The sharpener is immaterial if I learn that day he'd dealt with a substitute teacher, a fire drill just as Reading was starting, dead calculator batteries halfway through Math, a 'crashed' computer in the middle of English, a late bus so that he missed part of home room and some florescent lights in the class are half out - his tray was already full.

All of the distresses are unavoidable and he'd dealt with them without a hitch; but each was another glass on this tray. These kids need someone around who is familiar with them; to sense how full the tray is getting and read the cues, so there's intervention before that wobbling tray topples to the floor. That is why the type of support for these kids is critical, not just a 'hot body' nearby - but the 'right hot body' whom they can trust will help balance and who knows the 'triggers'.

For all of us, life is a balancing act, but for some kids the glasses generally break when they hit the floor and it takes a whole lot longer to clean up the mess and get a new tray.

At the last workshop, an interesting exchange occurred when one of the teachers brought up the topic of how difficult it is to talk to parents about the behavioural problems their children exhibit in the classroom.   It just so happens I know a good number of teachers on a personal basis, and am even closely related to one (my daughter), so I have often heard the horror stories about battles with parents who seemingly refuse to acknowledge any behavioural problems their kids might have, or how disruptive these kids can be to others in the classroom, and so on and so on.

Having been on the other side of the table when my own kids' mental health/behavioural challenges have been the focus, I can tell you it's a pretty uncomfortable place to be.  I took the opportunity to offer my own theory of why parents react the way they do when the dreaded call(s) from the school start coming:  Most parents, when their kids are struggling with mental health issues, are fully aware of how difficult they can be to deal with, because they are often struggling at home as well.  Parenting is hard enough, but parenting kids with additional challenges can be draining emotionally, physically, psychologically, and financially.  In many instances, it's all parents can do to keep hearth and home together, and to keep an emotional lid on things.  A substantial number of parents are dealing with their own mental health problems as well, which also gets thrown into the mix.

So then the school calls, and the parent shows up, and is met , not by one, but more often by a group of educators  - classroom teacher, LST, principal, vice-principal  - with what seems like a litany of complaints about the kid in question.  The parent, tired and stressed, hears this message and internalizes it not as one of what problems their child has, but as the problem that their child is.  Feeling outnumbered and ganged up upon, and sticking to the old adage that if you're not in your child's corner no one else will be either, the parent goes on the defensive.  And so begins a circular firing squad, where there is lots of back and forth blaming, and no real attempt to see the other side's perspective.   The kid is the hot potato that nobody wants to get stuck with.

I have been at school meetings where shouting matches have broken out.   I've heard parents cry, and threaten, thereby sabotaging their own advocacy efforts.  I've heard principals tell parents that the school doesn't offer therapy, that they need to get professional help for their kids,  that their kids can't come to school until they are "fixed", and that they can't offer resources to the kid because there are others who "need it more".   In the interim, the kids are missing out on an education.

The problem is that most parents are desperate to get their kids the help they need, but are stuck on waiting lists (if they're lucky), or in a system of revolving doors that shut them and their children out because they don't fit the criteria, i.e. their problems aren't deemed severe enough to warrant intervention.   So stress on the parents and family as a whole continues to mount, more run-ins with the school ensue, and the dynamic continues.

Mental health has recently appeared on the radar of several school boards, including the Thames Valley Board.  But in order to have a meaningful impact, many more resources (read dollars) need to be allocated to the one in five kids who suffer with a mental illness in the school system.  Teachers need mandatory training, and a TON of help in the classroom to deal with the additional challenges, and principals need to stop wielding the heavy hand of authority that in essence excludes these kids from the educational system.  Parents and educators need to try to see the other's perspective, and do whatever it takes to work together to bring positive change.  A mind is a terrible thing to waste, and leaving one in five kids behind should be an embarrassment to any civilized society.

In spite of numerous awareness campaigns and school based programs that target bullying, the problem remains.  Why don't these programs seem to work?  And how can a certain segment of the adolescent and young adult population be so lacking in empathy that they drive their peers to such desperate acts?

I have always thought that schools do a fairly decent job of educating and socializing the majority (but apparently not all, at least when it comes to socialization) of the "average" kids - those who aren't on the fringes in any way, be it intellectually, developmentally, socially, emotionally, or in terms of sexual orientation.   For a lot of these kids on the fringes, school is hell.  Imagine waking up every day knowing that you have to haul yourself off to a place where you know you will be humiliated, taunted, perhaps physically assaulted, and rejected.  And imagine that adults around you either don't seem to notice, or don't know what to do to help you.  And you're supposed to endure this for 4 years, or more.  What would you do?

Some seem to manage to get through despite the obstacles.  I know two of these kids - both gay young men who were best friends of my oldest daughter in high school.  My daughter was also bullied at school, not because of sexual orientation, but just because she was different enough to warrant the disdain of her peers.  All three of these kids suffered immensely at school, mostly in silence, but at least they had their own little social group and supportive, accepting parents, which I truly believe made all the difference. However, all were permanently scarred by their experiences at school. 

Many researchers argue that social/emotional intelligence is as important (and maybe even more so) as academic ability in determining future success.   Maybe formal programs that focus on social and emotional competence from a very early age should become a mandatory part of the Ontario curriculum, and maybe being able to demonstrate proficiency in these areas should be a prerequisite to high school graduation.  And if they can't be protected from their tormentors, maybe kids who are relentlessly bullied should have their own schools.   My daughter finished off the last two years of high school through a combination of online courses and part time attendance, and although it wasn't a perfect solution, it helped her maintain what was left of her mental health and got her through the years that she still refers to as the worst time of her life. It also made her a very independent learner, which gave her a leg up when she started university. I would highly recommend alternate programs for bullied kids as well as others for whom school itself is the impediment.

In London, LGBTQ kids aged 14-18 can find help through a program called Open Closet, which operates under the auspices of the Regional HIV/AIDS Connection.  Group meetings that help foster self esteem are held for two hours every Friday night, and feature guest speakers, discussion, and support in a safe environment.  For more information call  519-434-1601 or go online at www.hivaidsconnection.ca

Losing a pet can be devastating to all members of a family, but is often particularly difficult for children.

Although it's not likely to be helpful to tell children when they get a new puppy that the dog is likely to pass away at some point in the future, as these pets age, get sick or begin to decline, parents can take the opportunity to start to help their kids prepare emotionally for what is to come. 

Very young children and some special needs kids do not necessarily have the ability to understand the permanence of death.  However, a typically-developing school-aged child will likely have grasped this concept. 

In general, it is not recommended that parents lie or mislead children on this subject.  In addition to the fact that eventually children will grow up enough to recognize gentle stories as being lies, parents need to recognize that these opportunities are just that: opportunities.  Death and dying will affect people throughout their lifespan, and the coping mechanisms we instill in our children will help them through life, as loss will be inevitable. 

Before speaking to your child, it may be important for parents to evaluate their own perspectives on death and dying.  Think back to your own experiences and how they occurred.  What information were you given that was helpful, and what was not?  In addition, in two parent families there should be some agreement on consistency of information.  For example, parents don't always agree on religion or beliefs (e.g. heaven, angels), so be careful when talking to kids that such details are consistent.  It may be both confusing and heartbreaking for a child to be told by one parent that their beloved hamster is romping in the skies when the other has said that they're simply going into the ground.

Parents also need to be prepared for some questions.  Some may be obvious, but children have a way of looking at things that are unique and so there is no way to be fully prepared.  (I recall when a relative passed away my niece was afraid to ask what was keeping such a heavy person up in heaven.  She came to believe that it was full of very large hooks - kind of like the coat rack at the back of her classroom.)  Most children will wonder about the permanence of death, whether the pet could possibly come back to them, and so forth.  Talking about death in the broader sense may open up opportunities for a child to question their own and your mortality - if pets can die, so can people.  Be ready to possibly tackle larger issues! 

Be prepared to answer religiously-oriented questions in a consistent way.  If you use faith-based explanations (e.g. "Spot is with God now") expect that your child may target anger at God, or may feel  guilt  (e.g. "God took Spot away because I was bad").  Be ready to answer these questions in a way that fits with your religious beliefs and in keeping with information you have already provided on the subject.

Once parents are on the same page, remember that honesty is important and avoiding the subject is unlikely to be helpful.  As a pet ages, and signs of deterioration begin to show, you may want to take opportunities to discuss the natural progression of aging with your kids.  Don't scare them unnecessarily.  It will be important to stress that the life expectancy of a pet and a human can be very different - dogs and cats live about a fifth of how long we do, but turtles often live for much longer.  Keep your body language in mind while you cover this ground - if you are anxious, your child will know.  Be sure to have worked through your own issues on the subject sufficiently before trying to support your child.  Emotional upset is expected, but this should not be a place where the child is expected to be the one providing comfort.

How much information you give a child is going to depend on your child's age and maturity level.  Most people (even adults) do not have the capacity to speak about upsetting subjects at length - you'll likely notice that when covering uncomfortable ground as a grown-up that you can only focus on it for so long and then you'll shift the conversation, but may eventually return to the original issue.  Children will do this too.  Do not take it as a sign that your child is uncaring.  They may return to the topic after either a short or long time.  They are likely to need opportunities to digest information and come up with questions.

Knowing your child well will help, of course.  All children will need reassurance - and some will need a great deal of it.  Some children will be assisted by more logical discussions, others by emotionally-focused ones.  Some children may want specific details - which may feel excessive to you but may also be important to them.  Kids can become intensely curious and may want to know what happens to the body after it's buried. 

Although at this age they should be able to understand that death is permanent, a school-aged child can also still engage in something called magical thinking, for example,  "If I'm good, Fluffy will come back".  Because of this, adults need to be careful in their language.  Don't be afraid to use clear words such as "dead" since vague words and phrases - such as "gone to a better place" or "is at rest" -- may leave room for confusion and doubt.  They can also cause anxiety, and might result in a situation where kids don't want to go to bed because they worry that sleeping things sometimes don't wake up.

Some families may wonder about getting a new pet quickly.  This may or may not be suitable.  Oftentimes, when the family has more than one animal at home getting a second pet quickly may be a necessity - the second animal may be lonely or pining.  Beyond this, a little space and time before committing to a new animal is recommended.  It's important that the child not feel that living things that disappear are easily replaced in our lives and hearts. 

In summary:

• Be prepared and, if multiple adults are involved, make sure there is consistency in messages.
• Be honest and clear.  Avoid vague terms.
• Be prepared to revisit the topic as your child processes information and develops questions.
• Use this as an opportunity to discuss issues of death and dying (and potentially religion).
• Develop life lessons from this experience.  Death and loss are inevitable.  The way you manage in this situation will set the tone for future sad experiences. 
• Children are going to want to be reassured that they - and their parents - are safe.  Give clear messages that it is ok to be sad, with an understanding that this will lessen over time and that it is possible to love a new pet without any loss of love for a past one.

Some of my favourite psychological advice is this:  Time does not heal all wounds, but what you do with that time may.

I know at our house this week was always a stressful one, where maintaining equilibrium was our prime goal and challenge.  Even though I haven't had kids in the system for several years now, I still get a bit ansy at this point in the summer.  Maybe it was more of a throwback to my own childhood, but saying goodbye to the unstructured, lazy days of summer and trading them in for homework, early bedtimes and school lunches always made me a bit sad too.

It's easier to help ease kids back into some school routines if you start ahead of time.  Having bed times fifteen minutes or half an hour earlier every day for the next week, for example, will make it less of a problem getting out of bed when the alarm goes off on the first day of school.  Letting kids help with choosing and making what they will take for school lunch helps them get back into a healthier eating patterns.  For kids on a balanced day schedule, remember there are two twenty minute nutrition breaks  throughout the day and plan accordingly.   Having a bit of control over what they choose to wear and letting them pick out their own school supplies such as backpacks, notebooks, binders, etc. can also be a bit of a "perq" for going back.

One of my kids was very socially anxious, and a strategy we used to ease her fears about going back was to "rehearse" what to do and say in certain situations.    We identified potential problem scenarios, and came up in advance with suggestions on how to respond.  This helped her build up a repertoire of responses, and helped her confidence.   Other strategies might include drawing a picture or writing a story about how to handle problem situations. 

If your child is worried about being bullied, make sure to let him know that you are aware of the issue and will help support him if necessary, and work on some strategies to deal with the problem.  These can include not having your child walk to school/ home alone, giving the teacher a heads up to potential problems at the beginning of the year,  and rehearsing what to do/say/who to tell if an incident occurs.  Don't try to minimize the problem or reassure your child that everything will be just fine - sometimes it isn't and you must be prepared to advocate for him if it is warranted.

Last but not least, if time permits, throw one last summer blast to help your kids say goodbye to the season - a trip to the beach, a picnic in the park, or invite their friends and their parents over for a barbecue/get together.   Enjoy the last few days, and best of luck to everyone for the year ahead.

I have had the chance to get down to the beach a few times in the last several weeks, and one thing I noticed is that a lot of parents seem to be using spray on sunscreen on their kids.  My first thought was what a great idea, especially for the squirmy little guys who can't seem to stand still long enough to get slathered up, or for kids like mine who have sensory problems and don't like the feel of creams or lotions on their skin.

Well, for every great idea, it seems there is a downside.  The Food and Drug Administration in the U.S. issued a press release in June on sunscreen effectiveness and apparently will also investigate the safety of spray on sunscreens.  Apparently there is a greater chance of inhalation of the chemicals in these types of sunscreens due to the aerosols they contain, and parents have been advised by Consumer Reports to avoid using these on their kids, at least for the time being until further testing is complete.  If you do use these, they suggest you spray the sunscreen into the palm of your hand and apply it as you would a lotion or cream.  Sort of eliminates the convenience factor, though.

The consensus remains among experts that the benefits of using sunscreen outweigh any potential risks.  Reading the label is a good practice, whether with food or any other product, and there are certain things to look out for. 

Some of the chemicals in sunscreens have been linked to adverse health effects, particularly in children.  In the past, parents have been warned to avoid sunscreens containing some of these chemicals, including  oxybenzone, a suspected hormone disruptor, and retinyl palmitate, a form of vitamin A that is suspected of actually increasing skin cancer risk in some instances.  An ingredient that appears to be safe for kids is avobenzone, so look for labels containing this.  Babies under the age of 6 months shouldn't have sunscreen applied to their skin at all, and should be totally shielded at all times from the sun. 

They are also considering limiting the SPF (sun protection) factor to 50 because above that level, there doesn't seem to be any increased protection.  There can be a false sense of security with higher SPFs, and apparently beyond a certain point they are all basically the same.   Sunscreens need to be reapplied frequently to avoid sunburn, and this includes water resistant and "sport" sunscreens. 

To complicate the matter, there is growing scientific evidence that over the course of the last few decades, levels of vitamin D in the general population are falling, and some think this is related to the blocking effect of sunscreens.  Vitamin D is best produced in the body by sun exposure on the skin, however, ten minutes per day in early morning or in late afternoon when the sun's rays are not so damaging appears to work best.  Supplements are another alternative.

One of the best pieces of advice is for parents to ensure that they limit the amount of time kids are in direct sunlight  - and avoid being in the sun between the hours of 10 am and 2 pm - and make sure they wear light, protective clothing and spend as much time as possible in the shade.  

Summer in Canada is short and sweet, so hope that everyone enjoys the next few weeks .   Let's all stay safe and make the most of summer!